


What's in a Name

by NanoCorn



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER: Million Live!
Genre: F/F, don't really know what to tag this lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26450215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanoCorn/pseuds/NanoCorn
Summary: Mizuki and Julia have a little chat.
Relationships: Makabe Mizuki/Julia (iDOLM@STER)
Kudos: 7





	What's in a Name

“Mizuki, can we talk for a bit?” 

Mizuki Makabe looked up from the house of cards she was constructing to find herself face to face with her friend, Julia. Or perhaps just her band-mate, or acquaintance. Mizuki never really knew what to call her relationship with anyone. “Hm?” Mizuki noticed an uncharacteristic expression in Julia’s eyes, an expression similar to the nervous disposition that never graced the redhead’s face unless she was in some glitzy idol outfit, which Mizuki clearly saw wasn’t the case here. “Yes, I don’t have anything important at the moment. What do you need?”

Mizuki had sort of picked up a habit of analyzing everyone’s expressions, fascinated by the range of emotions everyone at the theater was capable of displaying. What had originally started as an attempt to get better at poker became something of a hobby, and now without thinking about it she picked up on the slightest changes in expression from just about anybody in the theater. Perhaps she was compensating for her eternal poker face in attempting to learn how everyone expresses their emotions on their face? Mizuki wasn’t entirely sure, but she did know she had gotten quite good at recognizing what people were feeling based on their faces alone. So that’s why Mizuki was mystified when she found Julia’s face completely unreadable. She had never seen a face like this on the guitarist in the year they had worked together.

“Mizuki… what do you think of me?” Julia asked, scratching the star make-up on her cheek, something Mizuki immediately recognized as Julia’s nervous tic. 

“Well,” Mizuki began, unsure of where this was leading. “I think you’re an incredibly competent leader, and I believe your musical talent is second to none in the theater. Your dancing could certainly use some work, though.” 

“No, I’m not talkin’ bout that!” Julia snapped, Mizuki recognizing a look of frustration crossing her face not too dissimilar to that of when Julia would scold Tsubasa. It’s the first time that expression has been directed towards her, though, and it made Mizuki feel… something? Mizuki wasn’t good at identifying her own emotions like she could with other people, but Mizuki didn’t particularly feel pleasant. “I’m askin’ what you think about me as a person, y’know? Like, how I act and stuff.”

Mizuki blinked, looking at Julia blankly. “I’m not sure if I’m the right person to ask about this.” Truthfully, Mizuki wasn’t sure she could accurately describe her own emotions normally, much less how she felt about a person. She didn’t want to let her band-mate down, but… 

“Try me.”

“Oh… well…” Mizuki furrowed her brow, trying to find the words to accurately describe, well, anything at this point. “I… trust you, I suppose?” Mizuki would have frowned if she could. “Sorry, I’m not particularly good at articulating my own feelings. But I would not spend nearly every day with you if I disliked you, Julia.”

Julia groaned and fell back into the chair she was currently sitting in. “I figured you’d say something like that.” She stared at the ceiling, looking vaguely forlorn. Mizuki was getting a general idea of what Julia was feeling by this point, but it wasn’t entirely clear just yet. It wasn’t anything pleasant though, that’s for sure. 

“Would it be rude to ask why you would ask me this?” 

Julia inhaled, and seemed to think about her words carefully. “I’m just… tired of constantly worryin’ what everyone truly thinks of me. And I know you’re not a liar. At least, not a good one.”

Mizuki cocked an eyebrow. “And you believe everyone else to be a liar?”

“No! Of course not. It’s just…” Julia looked a bit distant. “It feels like just about everyone would just tell me what I want to hear. But I wonder if they all keep their distance from me because they know so little about me.”

Before Mizuki could ask what she meant, Julia clarified. “I mean, think about it. Do you know a single thing about me that isn’t related to this theater? I don’t tell anyone anythin’, and I just wonder… what if everyones actually uncomfortable around that weird guitarist who doesn’t even tell anyone their real name?”

“Julia…”

“Even you right? You’re probably curious about me too, right? Want to know somethin’, anythin’ about that weird girl’s past, right?” Julia bitterly laughed. “To everyone, I’m probably just some weirdo who doesn’t exist beyond my guitar.”

“What makes you think that?” 

“I just…” Julia sighed. “I don’t know. I feel a weird distance between everyone and I just don’t know how to close it. I don’t know if I can call anyone a friend, like, at all.”

“Even me?” Mizuki felt something in her chest, similar to pain. She wasn’t able to name what she was feeling, but it hurt a bit. Not a particularly pleasant emotion.

Julia looked away. “I’m…” She took a deep breath. “Mizuki. Would you like to know my old name? My real one? Would that make us closer?”

“Do you still go by your old name?” Mizuki questioned. She could identify the emotion welling up in her this time, at least. Exasperation. “Does having your old name used bring you any joy whatsoever?”

Julia grimaced. “No, but…”

“Then your true name is Julia. Not whatever you went by in the past.” Mizuki stated, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. To her, well, it was. “Plus, I know plenty about Julia, we’re not as unfamiliar as we think. I know that you truly treasure our band practice far more than any other idol work you’ve done before, and I know that you much prefer western food than Japanese. I also know how despite how nervous it makes you, you love performing as an idol just as much as you love performing as a rock band, and I know how much you enjoy spending time with everyone in the theater. Among other things, I know you prefer dogs to cats, I know you hate cooking, and I know that even though you try to hide it, you love catching the Saturday morning shounen anime.”

Mizuki’s face felt tired, and though she had no idea why, she continued. “I know a lot about Julia. I think the others do too. We don’t know who you were previously, and if you don’t want us to, we don’t want to know. What matters to me, at least, is the person you are now.”

“Mizuki,” Julia seemed stunned. “You’re smilin’…”

“Am I?” Mizuki was surprised, but if she truly was it had faded by the time she brought her hands to her face. “Oh… I must have missed it.”

Julia just laughed. She doubled over in her chair, trying to stifle her giggles, and Mizuki couldn’t remember having ever seen her laugh this hard, ever. When Julia looked up and locked eyes with her, beaming widely as though her previous poor mood had never existed, tears sparkling in her bright blue eyes, Mizuki’s chest tightened. Though she was used to feeling strangely warm when she spent time with Julia, she had never experienced it so strongly, and it felt like she was floating. What she felt now was the most mysterious emotion to her, something she had never been able to put a name to. But it was something she never wanted to let go of.

Perhaps that’s why Mizuki had decided to stay by Julia’s side, now and forever onwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic I just kinda threw together in an afternoon. idk


End file.
